Well, I’ve just about made it to the end of my second week back at work. I’m utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically. I think the latter is a symptom of the former actually. I’ve managed to fall into a pretty unproductive cycle, waking up anxious, then as the adrenaline gets absorbed my mood drops. I hardly seem to speak in the morning at all, when we take the dog out for a walk and get ready for work. Then in the car, the anxiety starts to swell again until I can almost not get out of the car. The breathing exercises I’ve been doing from my CBT help with this. Once I’m inside, I’m mostly far too busy to address any of the mood related shenanigans going on in the old fruit and nut.
I need to break this somehow, I know that. It’s going better than I thought though, so I suppose that’s positive. Luckily, before I burn out again, I’ve got a week’s holiday and we’ve got something nice planned, so hopefully the easing in will continue. After this though, it’s going to be over a month before any other time off, so I have to brace myself for that I guess. The trick is to defer that until I need to. Still haven’t mastered that yet.
The worst part is that I need to concentrate on what I’m doing and I can’t. I’ve always been scatterbrained, I can never focus on one thing at once. That thing about men being shit multitaskers? Bullshit. I can’t monotask. Probably why I took up drumming. I can never deal with only having one task to do, I always have to wedge something else in at the same time. I’ve got a bunch of things on at the moment though that need some real focus and my mind is all over the shop.
Let’s hope this week does me some good, otherwise my noodle is going to end up as noodle soup.