To Pee or Not To Pee, That is Not This Particular Question

One day, you might find yourself in need of the lavatory. This in itself is not an extraordinary situation to be in, after all I imagine it occurs frequently every day. However, let us say, for the sake of argument, the lavatory on the floor in which you are currently located is closed for maintenance and the lift is out of order. Cry fury! What folly! Such a lamentatious predicament. You have two choices: mount the stair and climb up a floor, or descend a floor. Which is the correct choice?

Well, I have deigned to aid you in your combobulation. You go down. Why? It’s a simple matter of energy expenditure. While you are turgid from the need to evacuate your bladder, bowels, or possibly both, you are carrying more mass. Transporting that mass against the force due to gravity requires the expenditure of energy. The greater the mass you transport, the greater the energy required to perform the work.

But wait! I can hear you, and yes you are correct, if one travels down, one must eventually travel up to return to one’s original position. This is true. However, on the return journey, you will have expelled a certain amount of mass from your peepee or your poopoo. You will experience somewhat less resistance in your climb after intestinal relief, than you would have had you ascended the stair replete.

The energies, masses and forces described in this article are of course, minimal. However, if one were to add up the amount of energy saved every time one had to make this decision… Well, it would probably be loads.

This has been a public service announcement.

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