One Line Reviews #1

I’m now a commuter. I live in Nottingham and work south of Birmingham, so I do around 100 miles a day. In the car, that’s at least an hour each way, on the train more like two. Many people would hate this, but it gives me time to listen to more music. For the last couple of years, I’ve felt like I’ve neglected discovery, so it’s time to make amends.

I use Google Play Music generally nowadays. I’ve got my library synced up to their cloud, it integrates well with my phone, and it’s pretty much ok at playing music. It has its foibles, but then I’ve yet to find a perfect music player on ANY platform. Google recently launched ‘All Access’, their version of everybody else’s streaming service. It’s pretty useful, again it has it’s foibles, but at least it pre-buffers tracks, unlike bloody Spotify mobile, the useless sack of shit. So, over the last week or so, I’ve finally got round to listening to a load of music I’ve been wanting to for a while.

As I’ve been trundling along through East Midlands to West and back, my brain has been trying to sum up these records in one line, so I thought I’d share.

CAVEAT: These records aren’t necessarily new

Bastille – Bad Blood: Tom Vek with one-line choruses that sound like they were sung while squeezing out a poo.

Factory Floor – Factory Floor: Dreamy and enchanting; Fuck Buttons without the nosebleeds.

Ellie Goulding – Halcyon: Almost credible, bland pop; too much pastry, not enough filling.

Calvin Harris – 18 Months: Stolen 1992 riffs and stabs, washed in bleach and scrubbed with wire wool; came out grey.

Santigold – Master of My Make-Believe: Dub without the step; Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs pomp and attitude before it got washed away.

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