Frazzles and SCIENCE!

Frazzles are bloody great, especially for breakfast. I’ve come to the conclusion over the years that a savoury breakfast is much more fulfilling than a sweet breakfast. Also, I find them more palateable. I’m one of a breed of people that just can’t deal with breakfast in the morning, I need to do something first. Generally, I get up, have a glass of water, shower and walk the 2.3 miles to work every day. When I get there I have my brekkie, toast, porridge, nutrigrain bar, banana, whatever. That’s fine. By the time I’ve managed to saunter all the way there, my bizarre digestive system is ready to accept sustinence. If I try and eat straight after getting up, I feel awful. Can’t stomach it at all… An example, I stayed at my bro’s gaff on Friday night, as I am often wont to do. We had to get up pretty early the next day to set up a summer fête, and upon the morn, my brother’s wonderful fiancée provdide me with two rounds of splendid toast. I was nearly sick… I don’t know what it is about mornings but I can’t deal with it.

Now, what has this to do with Frazzles you say? Well, frazzles appear to be the only thing I can stomach first thing in the morning. Why? I think it’s down to salt content. I can manage a bacon sarn about half an hour after getting up, sausage, maybe 45 minutes, toast an hour, cereal 90 minutes. It seems to me that the salt content is inversely proportional to the time in which I can consume said product. This can be displayed thus:


Where: T = Time after awakening (minutes); Ô = The nut scratch constant; S = Salt content (grams)

The nut scratch constant varies from person to person and applies only to males. The constant for women is still to be discovered. Ô can be described as the amount of minutes, per gram of salt in a man’s sweat, that he spends scratching his nuts and arse after getting up. Extensive research has been done on this and it has been empirically proven to be a constant. However, this is out of the scope of this article.

Therefore, I conclude that sweet breakfast items are less sufficient as a breakfast item than savoury products.

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